I love my God. He has been far more than utterly faithful – He has been entirely trustworthy. I was a very young girl when I asked Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior. As a child, I truly sought to know my God with all my heart and to be pleasing to Him. But the circumstances of my childhood crushed both my heart and my dreams.
I know what it is to question God, “Why didn’t you rescue me?” I know what it is to willfully run away from God, and then crawl back to Him, to say to Him once again, “You are my only hope.”
Since my return twenty years ago, I have passionately sought the God of the Scriptures, been trained by the Lordship of Jesus and been led through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. As an adult, I have struggled through two distinct seasons of suffering, one which thoroughly shattered me. It shattered all sense of safety, the perceived ability to control circumstances and outcomes, and my will. It sent me to the precipice of my faith where I demanded of God, “Show me who you really are! I cannot see your goodness and why would you author so much pain? Where is the God of the Scriptures I read so much about?”
That shattering brought about the most remarkable gift: authentic inner peace with God. I quit trying to “become” acceptable to Him and to the world. I was a mess and I knew it. But in the death of my self-effort (and self-righteousness), there sprang to life an awakening to grace, grace for the believer. All of that is a story unto itself, but suffice it to say that God led me on an adventure that transformed the way I see Him, the way I see me, and the way I see the world.
This I know: God has a plan; God has always had a plan. While He does not author sin, He does allow it. Yet our God is not a God who just comes to clean up messes, and patch up broken vessels. The story of fallen humanity does not begin in Genesis 1, but in Ephesians 1.”Long ago, even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave Him great pleasure.” (vs. 4-5 NLT) Christ’s death was not a search-and-rescue mission; it was always the plan.
A careful reading of Psalm 139 reveals that God is intimately involved with every detail of our lives, even before He brings us into existence. He is still involved in the details of our lives, and will accomplish far more with our cooperation! When lovingly transformed in the Father’s hand, the desolate places left in you through the work of the enemy become lush gardens of abounding life. Out of these places of shame and degradation, come the very gifts of beauty God has ordained for you to bring to this world. From our first glimpse of God’s story in Genesis through the end of Revelation, we see a God who takes what is nothing, and creates it into something extraordinary. He is still doing that in human lives today; that is the story of my life. Greater than the miracle of being made complete when we get to heaven, is the miracle that we can know God while we are here on earth, and be changed by His interactive presence, and that His work in us can bring change through us. I pray that you will do whatever it takes to find a rhythm with Him and walk this thing out. He is so worth it.