In-between…

I’m in-between.  I don’t like being in-between, but I  find myself there, in one way or another, very often.  Sometimes, however, there is a signficant In-Between, a season you recognize will most likely be a marker of some sort.  That is where I am. 

He’s asking me to rest in this land of In-Between.  I feel He is asking me to trust Him in all the things within me that I cannot see, places that seem vacant or dormant, places where it seems things are not moving, where things are still.  I really like to be moving.  I like things to be headed somewhere.  I like to feel productive.  I like to have goals in mind and a plan on how to accomplish those.  I really dislike standing still.

Yet I have a settled confidence within my spirit that this is exactly what He is asking of me as this time:  Stand still and rest in Me.  Hope in Me.  Expect things of Me.  But do not move.   I also get the impression I am not to guess what comes next.  When I was very little, there was some game show on television that had all these boxes on stage, large, beautifully wrapped packages and smaller, humble packages.  The contestants could  choose a present, unsure of what it held.  Sometimes the largest box would have the most inconsequential gift and sometimes it would hold the tickets to a vacation in Tahiti.  Who could tell on the outside what the gift would be on the inside?  

I kind of think that is where I am.  Whatever He is doing inside of me will prove to be of tremendous value, no matter what the wrapping on the outside.  What He will later do through that will have great value.  It’s like I’m having soul-surgery and while I know some of where He is working, I don’t know the real thing He is going after, not yet.  If you’ve read the journey, you’ll know this:  what He has shown me thus far is that I can trust Him implicitly.  He has been teaching me what I could not know since I was a tiny little girl.  He has been guarding my heart and mind despite all the giants I’ve had to battle.  He has been so faithfully with me that I will not fear.

It will involve a battle of some kind, it always does.  God has faithfully freed parts and pieces of me for many years now and I am always the better for it.  This will stretch and strengthen my faith, even as it brings some far-flung pieces of me back into the harmony He always intended.  His work always bring His truth into deep places within us that have been distorted in some way.  I long to know Him better and to increasingly live in His truth.  Faith comes first and then comes standing in that faith when hellish forces come against it.  But I am nothing if not a warrior in a woman’s body.  So there are giants in the land.  No surprise, that.  I do not yet know who they are or where they are within me, not entirely.  But I am not called to wonder, or to worry or to strategize; I am called to stand.  Just stand.  And wait.  In the Land of In-Between.

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About Tammy Feil

Happily married to Terry Feil since 1994, mother of two boys. My husband, Terry, is Pastor of Families and Students at Riverbluff Church in North Charleston, SC.
This entry was posted in Faith, Trust, Uncertainty and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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