A “less-than” kind of day

Limitations.  I’ve never been a big fan.  I’ve got too much to do to have limitations.  Their timing is inconvenient.  Limitations make decisions for me and frustrate me.  I don’t like idling my engine unless I want to be on idle, to rest a while.  I don’t enjoy being forced to slow down.   <Sigh.>

I’m feeling washed out and worn down today, like maybe a cold is trying to take over.  But I don’t have time to feel this way.  I’ve got negative number exponential notation to do with my eleven-year-old.  (Side note:  I still cannot understand why (-7) x (-7) = (+49) while the seemingly opposite problem (+7) x (+7) = (+49)  has the same answer. Or why 3 negative numbers multiplied together = negative number but 4 negative numbers multiplied together = positive. This is why I hated Algebra.)

This year I faced severe limitations when my long-stressed gallbladder decided to kick out.  It took a long process of elimination and testing to finally send me to surgery, and once out they could clearly see it had been diseased a very long time.  It wasn’t gall stones of any kind; the organ itself had been inflamed again and again until it finally conked out.  But somehow I accepted that season of weakness and limits far more admirably than today’s puny set back.  Today is more whine than genuine concern; but since I am journaling out loud these days, I must confess that today I’m feeling a little sorry for myself.  I want to feel great during the holidays, not puny.  I want to have boundless energy, not desperately want to hide out under the covers.  I’m not happy about this little bump in the road; it wasn’t on my day-timer, thank you very much, and I have too much to do.

Even so, I have learned to listen to God’s rhythm in my life.  I may not like it, I may not have approved it (how often would we?), yet I accept every single thing as coming from God’s hand to me.  When difficulty comes, I am convinced it has passed through God’s hands, met with His approval, before reaching me.  When anything good comes, I acknowledge it as having coming from Him, even as He often uses human agents as ambassadors of His good things.  While others will have a tainted agenda in my life, His motives towards me are always pure, always good and always loving.  But today isn’t a difficult day; it’s an annoying day, a bothersome day, a dragging-around kind-of day.  I just don’t feel like myself. 

So yeah, I’m having a “less-than” kind-of day.  I think I’m under-the-weather.  But I am alive, I’m ultimately pretty healthy, I’m in a warm place on this bitterly cold day and I’m surrounded by all sorts of good things.  What’s my take-away?  Slow down for today.  No striving today.  No getting ahead today, just take it as it comes and do what is essential and nothing more.  Live within the limits of my energy and accept that today’s pace is sent to me from God’s own hand.  Today, just be.  And that’s okay.

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About Tammy Feil

Happily married to Terry Feil since 1994, mother of two boys. My husband, Terry, is Pastor of Families and Students at Riverbluff Church in North Charleston, SC.
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