I have been a Bible study teacher for 14 years now. My sessions are liberally sprinkled with personal anecdotes, illustrations of how I have learned specific principles with God. I am first, and foremost, a student of Jesus and a daughter of God. This means I am continually sitting at their feet, learning alongside those I am teaching. The teaching format, however, allows me time to process the subject and then relate it to others in an understandable fashion. The process, as I am moving through it, is not always easily understandable. It is not always neat and tidy. So sharing after the fact is far more enjoyable than trying to explain it while it is yet unfolding.
For over a year now God has been preparing me to “think outloud” in some way, for others to glimpse HOW He processes things with me. What I learn with Him is not random, it is not contrived, but it is always goal-oriented. Anyone who would read back through the journals I keep would thoroughly understand how I come to the conclusions I do and how exactly God teaches me things so concretely as to leave no room for human manipulation. And these things are borne out by the fruit they manifest then in the person and practice of who I am.
That said, this blog is an attempt towards obedience in this area with God. Again, this is not random nor is it contrived, nor is it really exciting to me. I am thoroughly afraid of the process of thinking outloud; it is a messy process. Yet I have a clear understanding within my spirit that I am to embark upon this journey, at least for a season, and that if I do so, in some way, He will be pleased and receive glory. And I am all about that. He has made all the difference in my life and I am always pleased to share HIM with others; it is myself that I have been fearful to share. It is only because of HIM that I am (reasonably) sane today, productive, healthy, inwardly moving towards wholeness every day, and in some small way contributing to the lives around me. Oh, and did I mention that I am at peace within myself? After all the internal clutter and confusion and fear I experienced as a young person, God has brought me into a deeply abiding and profoundly far-reaching peace with Himself, and He has taught me to trust Him with all the parts of Tammy I am still unsure about. You see, I trust HIM, not me, but He moves in my life, He is very real, and He will never fail to lead me. God is not just my center, He is my very frame. Every part of life moves through Him to reach me and I process it all with Him – ALL of it. He is not separate from any part of my internal processes – my main task is that of listening and responding.
Whenever He has asked me to trust Him on issues that felt enormous, parts of me and my life that felt impossible to release completely into His keeping, He has never failed to later show me that He was EXCHANGING that thing for something of great value. And the exchanged treasure is always so very worth whatever sacrifice (which felt monumental at the time) I had made. So this is yet another sacrifice I am entrusting to Him. I will let you into how my processes with God unfold, not just their neatly finished products. And I will trust Him to turn this very ordinary water into a wine of His pleasure… in whatever way He shall see fit. Blessings, fellow- sojourners.